Banking While Female

Before I got married, I had an 800 FICO score. I never asked my future husband what his score was. I knew he was terrible at remembering to pay his bills. I knew he had some modest family wealth, but not much of his own. Because of his family wealth (I assumed), he had better deals on credit cards and loans than I had–better interest rates, beefier credit lines. So over the decade that we were married, I swapped out my personal cards, and he and I got a new slate of elite credit cards and other loans together–all of which I was in charge of paying, as the more natural money manager in the family.

At first, we were partners in every way. We had started a small natural beauty brand together. As the brand creator and the person who actually started our company, I owned 51% of the company and was technically his boss. For several years, we were the fastest-growing natural products company in the country, with two separate brands on shelves nationwide.

Working together was a terrible idea, because it lifted the veil on both of us as business people. We disagreed strongly about how to run the company. Coming from wealth, his idea of business was to pour money into our company until it started pouring money back out at us. Coming from wealth, and being a (white) man, he was strangely sure that success in business was an inevitability for him. Coming from adversity and hard work and bouts with failure, my idea was to make sure the price was right, the proper systems were in place, and the audience was primed before we started dumping money into our company. After a decade and three amazing children, our marriage failed, though the business was still standing.

When we decided to go our separate ways, I was shocked to learn that, over the decade-plus that we were together, every time we had gone to Bank of America (our bank) for money, the loans had been made in my husband’s name with me as an authorized user. No one asked us to make this decision. In every case–when applying for car loans, credits cards, etc—some random bank officer issued credit in my husband’s name, with me as an authorized user. Every. Single. Time. Neither of us had any idea. Neither of us had a choice. This was institutional gender bias at work.

The result of this institutional gender bias was that, coming out of the marriage, I suddenly learned that I had a 689 FICO score. I owned a home, a business and a car that was paid off. My ex leased a luxury car with a $1000 a month payment, he rented a one-bedroom apartment, and had no tangible assets. But he had an 800 FICO score. I was stunned.

When I cried to a girlfriend that I had a 689 FICO, she laughed and said, “Girlfriend, don’t you know 689 is the divorced lady’s 800?!” I got my credit score back, but it took me more than a year.

Eventually, no doubt, this shocking institutional gender bias will become a class action lawsuit. But for now, it is a learning experience and a teachable moment. Before you get married, talk about debt and credit scores and payment philosophies. (Two years after we split, my ex still calls me for banking advice.) Once you are married, make sure at least half of the family credit is in your name. Make sure that the credit in your name is always paid on time and that you never charge more than 30% of your available credit on any card. You may stay married forever, or one or the other of you may end up with a ferocious 7-year-itch. Either way, you will be covered. Unfair as it is, there are separate rules for banking while female. Make sure you know them.

(Give this article to your daughters and any engaged women you know. Thank you. )